This is a great question that brings up the topic of whether or not a girl should ask out a guy she is interested in. In the 21st century one would assume this role reversal is common and never a problem, but for some reason it still hasn’t become fully accepted by all males.
Some guys love it when a girl is forward and makes the first move (I have to admit that I am in this category). So if a girl happens to be interested in one of these guys and decides to ask him out on a date, then that could work out quite nicely. However, there are also other guys that are very traditional that are really turned off when a girl asks them out. Their reasons vary, but the general impression I get from this group is they find it kind of emasculating when a girl asks them out.
So, if a girl isn’t comfortable asking a guy out or doesn’t want to take her chances that he is the type of guy that would be turned off by being asked out, what are her options? Here are a few:
1. Flirtation- anything from giving cute looks, to physical touch (putting your hand on a guys arm or back… or leg if you want to be more bold), to suggestive comments.
Pro: Might make a guy feel a little more confident asking you out if he is already thinking about it.
Con: Could make a guy think you are easy, which will either make him less interested, or make him only interested in a physical relationship.
2. Nice gestures- do something nice for him that a normal friend wouldn’t do.
Pro: Like flirtation, this might make a guy who isn’t sure if you are interested feel more confident in asking you out.
Con: The guy might not catch on that you are interested, might think you are just a nice person. A real jerk might just take advantage of the good gestures.
3. Have a mutual friend talk to them- have the friend talk to your person of interest when no one is around and mention to them that you two would be a good fit. (Make sure they sell it as “their” idea.)
Pro: You are putting the thought in their head through a neutral source. Zero chance of a face to face rejection.
Con: Could still end up waiting to see if they will ask you out. There is a chance that they think you put your friend up to it (especially if your friend isn’t a good actor.)
4. Drop Hints- when given the opportunity, bring up a place you’d like to go out to eat, or a local band you’d like to see, or formal event you’d like to attend… basically anything that could be along the lines of a date that you would like them to ask you to.
Pro: Like having a friend talk to them, you are kind of putting the thought in their head, but doing so indirectly. You aren’t really asking them, so they aren’t really rejecting you if they don’t ask.
Con: Like nice gestures, some guys won’t pick up that you are interested, they’ll just assume you are friendly or wanting someone to share a common interest with.
5. Sit and wait patiently- sit by the phone or computer and hope that they message you at some point to meet up. (Yuck, just kidding- do NOT do this one!)
6. Wait impatiently- hope that your guy of interest asks you out, but taking offers to meet up with other guys who ask you out in the mean time.
Pro: Keeping your options open, you can have a fun time meeting other guys and perhaps find yourself in a relationship with someone else. In some cases, the guy might see others as competition and this will push him to ask you out himself.
Con: They find out that you are seeing other people, assume you aren’t interested and simply not consider asking you out.
From a guy’s perspective, I prefer #1 (flirtation) if a girl doesn’t want to ask me out but is trying to convince me to ask her out. In all options above, girls need to understand an important fact about guys: WE ARE ALMOST ALWAYS OBLIVIOUS TO HINTS! So in many cases whatever choice you make could be missed or unnoticed. This is why I feel a girl is totally justified in doing #6 (wait impatiently and date other guys). If the guy doesn’t get it, just pursue other options. Of course, the girl can always just be bold and ask the guy out herself. Then she is up against the same risk/reward situation that guys are usually in when asking out a girl (post coming soon).
When in doubt I think it’s best when a girl asks a guy out when she’s interested. Although I’m admittedly biased, I think that’s why most guys are generally pretty good about softening the blow in the event they aren’t interested because we know how it feels to put yourself out there. In some cases the guy will respect the girl for taking a chance and go out on a date just for that. Just remember, if you do decide to ask a guy out to do so with confidence and not think too much about if if they say no.
Good luck to all of my female readers who are pursuing their crushes! Feel free to post what has worked for you or any other advice you think would help others.