That Was Fast…

For those of you who have been following from the start, you would know that “Heather” is one of the most significant ex-girlfriends from my past.  Shortly after starting this blog, I decided to get back in touch with her after five years of not having any communication with her.  I first started writing about this in An Old Flame Burns Bright.  Although at the time it seemed the stars were aligning for us, it obviously didn’t work out.  To make a long story short, it just kind of fizzled off.  The interest she once seemed to have was pulled away and I was left wondering what happened.  I was curious to figure out why, even though from past experience I have found that curiosity is what killed the cat…  Anyway, just a short time later I met Gaby and the whole situation with Heather didn’t bother me anymore.  A few weeks later Heather was in a Facebook relationship, so I figured she met this guy about the same time her and I got back in touch and something about their connection felt better than what we had.  It was significant enough of an event that I remember writing about it, but it didn’t really bother me.

Anyway, about a week ago I was doing my daily scroll across my Facebook feed (pretty much a daily activity) and saw that Heather’s relationship status was changed to “engaged!”  I was thrown back a bit.  Is this for real?  The status had over a hundred likes in just a few hours with her sisters on the list, so obviously not a hoax.  Gaby was in the next room and I said to her, “Hey, remember that girl I got back in touch right before we met… she’s engaged now.”  Gaby’s response was, “Wow, that was fast!”  I joked about how since we probably met at the same time that maybe we should get engaged.

All jokes aside, I expected that at some point some past feelings would surface.  I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but now a week and a half later it is still not having any effect on me (other than my reflective mood, but that is pretty normal for me).  Obviously the fact that I’m with someone that makes me really happy takes zip out of whatever sting I would potentially be feeling, but I think it goes beyond that.  Years ago I think I would have been beating myself up that I screwed something up this past January, but when I look back now I believe all the screw ups really happened long ago.  Bad timing was a significant part of why things didn’t work out for us way back when, and then factoring in our age/maturity at the time its surprising we even attempted that relationship more than once.  In the end the complications of our past was too much to overcome, so nothing I did (or didn’t do) back in January would have changed that.

I wrote a short message to Heather congratulating her on her engagement.  She thanked me.  I’ve cared deeply for her for quite some time, and deep down there is part of me that will always care… but that’s all it will ever be now, and I’m ok with that.  Honestly, I really hope things work out for her and this guy she is with.  As a hopeless romantic I spent years hoping that some cosmic force kept bringing us back together, but now that things have worked out her and someone else, it’s a little bit of a release in some way.  A little reassurance that indeed we weren’t meant to be together after all.

Alright, enough rambling on my end.  I’d love to hear thoughts from anyone else.  Thanks!

13 thoughts on “That Was Fast…

  1. Totally normal to be taken aback by an ex making this kind of commitment! And you can’t help but wonder… What if …
    Sounds like this may be a final step towards you letting go of the relationship. I often hold onto thoughts of my exes as comfort and sometimes think to myself we may end up together again. But it might be more of a safety thing… thinking you can fall back onto an old love is much more familiar and way less terrifying than falling in love again with a new person, with all the uncertainties and vulnerabilities.

    Definitely seems like you are gunna be A-OKAY, though


  2. The thing is, why did you even congratulate her? It may seem like the right thing to do, but you sure didn’t do it genuinely. Your hands were basically forced. Saying all that to say, I would’ve ignored that altogether. So what if she’s engaged to some dude she met on FB the other day? It will be her early divorce and her worry.

    Also, are you hoping to get back with her or is this just a rant?

  3. I actually have more than one ex that is getting or has recently gotten married… I think they’re all FAST… but maybe because it’s happening to them and not me… they’ve been moving and maybe I’ve been standing still…
    But kudos for congratulating her, that was the right thing to do 🙂

  4. Poor you 😦 I’ve always been amazed at how fast people seem to get engaged… but if she’s isn’t married yet… you might have a chance still 🙂

  5. Facebook makes shit weird sometimes. Photos of an ancient ex and his lovely wife and baby pop up on my screen from time to time. I rarely think of him, but I still feel a weird kind of pang when I see those photos.

  6. I think we all need that “Closure” moment, however it happens. I had mine this week and it was fantastic. I found proof that I had printed out of when my ex started cheating – in January of 2010. We didn’t break up until August of 2011. I was able to read all the pages while laughing, and realized that I really just don’t care anymore. He made my life miserable because I let him. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t regret some of the other past relationships because of how they ended. I, too, would’ve sent the congratulations message and sincerely meant it. In most cases they were really good friends of mine, and I really and truly only want to see them happy. Congrats Dax.

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