150 Miles for a Dinner Date

pastaThis is a follow-up post to A Plan In Place, where a second face-to-face meeting with Heather was planned in just two weeks after the first, after having not talked with each other in five years.  Heather and I had an on and off relationship many years ago, and as I’ve said before, I’ve always felt poor timing has been the major issue in things not working out in the past.  This time I was hoping that getting back in touch with her when we are both single and I am feeling in a good place emotionally would make a difference.

The plan was to have dinner with Heather Friday night, but the rest of the weekend was going to be spent with my cousin and her husband, who are a very fun couple to hang out with.  Earlier in the week Heather texted me to see if it would be alright if we stayed in and she made dinner rather than going out.  Of course I agreed.  I also let her know that I would be heading out downtown with my cousin and some people Saturday night and she was welcome to join if she was free.  I got no response back.  I thought that was odd, but I brushed it off and let it be.  Two days later I get a Facebook message from her asking what time I thought I would be showing up at her place Friday night.  I turned on Facebook messenger and saw she was online, so I started a chat.  We messaged back and forth for about 20 minutes and got the all details and directions worked out.  Afterward, I started packing for the weekend, having no idea what to expect.

Friday I got home from work and took a quick shower.  I debated what to wear and decided a nice button up shirt and jeans would probably work.  Then I hopped in my car and started the two and a half hour drive up to her place.  When I got to her apartment she greeted me with a smile, but was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and leggings… again I was surprised.  Is she not even trying to impress me?  Immediately I realized that I was not going to be invited to stay the night… perhaps that was the message she was trying to send.  Anyway, she gave me a tour of her apartment, offered me a glass of wine, and then asked me to have a seat while she finished up dinner.  I sat down and we chatted for a while as she wrapped things up.  When everything was ready Heather asked me to join her at the table and we started to eat.  She asked me a lot about what my normal routine was like in my area.  She wanted to know what I did during the week, where I liked to go out on my weekends, what activities I did with friends.  It felt very much like a first date in that way.  Of course I asked her much of the same, but she didn’t have as many answers, stating that taking care of family has been taking up a lot of her time, and moving from one town to another in the past year has really cut down on her social activities.  After dinner we moved over to the couch where she asked me more about what I’ve been up to over the past five years.  I told her more about some of the trips and adventures I had been on, we also talked about family, work, and other random things.  Overall the tone was pretty easy going, and we joked around with each other a little bit.  Around 10pm she seemed like she was getting tired and I decided it would probably be better to leave while we were still enjoying each others company than to possibly overstay my welcome.  I reminded Heather that she was welcome to come out with my cousin and myself Saturday night.  She told me that she may have a commitment with a friend of hers, but said I should call her Saturday when I knew what the plan was and she would meet up if she could.  I told her that sounded good and we hugged goodbye.

Saturday I spent the day hanging out with my cousin and her husband as planned.  During breakfast we talked about what our plans would be for the day and for going out that night.  Early afternoon I called Heather to give her the plans as she requested.  Her voice message picked up almost right away, so I just left a message saying that she could either meet us at my cousin’s place after dinner for cocktails or she could meet us downtown.  The rest of the afternoon we were out and about, meeting up with other friends of theirs, and just having a good time.  That night we had dinner with my aunt and uncle and watched television.  After my aunt and uncle left, I started making drinks for everyone before we would head out to the bars.  At this point I got a text from Heather saying that she was snowboarding in a town about an hour away and wouldn’t be able to meet up.  I was disappointed.  For one, I was really hoping to see her again.  Since she didn’t really know about these plans the day before, I assumed that they came up last minute.  That would mean she chose to do something else over a chance to hang out with me when I was in her area.  Also, I thought it was strange that she never brought up that she started snowboarding when she knew I just got back from a snowboard trip out West.  Regardless of feeling like I was let down, I still wanted to see her before I left.  Earlier in the day a good friend texted me that I should talk to Heather in person before I left and be honest with her about my feelings, and I agreed.  I texted Heather back that it would be nice if I could stop over for a bit on Sunday before I had to leave town.  She said she wasn’t sure if she was available because she was going to church and then had plans to meet up with her family.  I texted her to keep me posted, and then went back to having fun.  My cousin and her husband had a few more drinks with me and then went out.  We bar hopped for the better part of the night, and I even ran into some familiar faces that I wasn’t expecting to see when we were out.  It was a good time!

This morning I woke up and hoped that I would have a text from Heather to stop over for a little while, but that was not the case.  The weather was looking ugly, so I decided it would be best if I just left for home.  It was some of the worst weather I had ever experienced while driving, but I made it back home safely.  I thought I would hear from Heather by now to check up to see if I got home safely (she often worries about me in these situations), but as of now I still haven’t heard from her.

So as I sit here, I’m disappointed and confused.  I really thought that things were going in the right direction, but after this weekend I’m feeling quite the opposite.  I’m not sure what to do from here.  I could invite her to visit me, but not sure if she would take me up on that and then I would just be waiting.  I could just finally come out and tell her how I feel, but if she’s still on the fence, that could scare her off.  Perhaps I need to have that conversation just to get some sense of closure… which is what my gut tells me this is going unfortunately.  Certainly I’ve waited far too long to simply just walk away without any answers.  Let me know if you think I’m over-reacting.  Any thoughts and/or advice would be appreciated.

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8 thoughts on “150 Miles for a Dinner Date

  1. I enjoy reading your posts Dax. Sorry to hear things did not go as planned. I agree that you need to let her know how you’re feeling. After all the history the two of you have together, I wouldn’t think you’d have to worry about scaring her off. You need to know where she stands, whether it’s what you want to hear or not. If nothing more, at least you may get that closure you’re searching for. Good luck!

  2. I kinda recognize what you’re going through… I need to have ‘that conversation’ myself, and I keep postponing it for various reasons… mainly because I don’t want to scare him off, but definitely because I feel I already know how it will end.
    But to anyone else in this situation, my advice would be: better now than later, and whatever the outcome, at least you’ll have closure.

  3. From what I gathered in the last few posts, you two never had a long dating thing going on, correct? It was more like here and there things would start up and then die down shortly after? It seems almost like you just expected too much. You may be thinking that the timing was just never right, but she may just be over the whole thing and think of you wanting to see her as completely friendly. Either way, she was really noncommittal about the rest of the weekend after Friday, which is usually a pretty sure sign that she’s not that interested.

  4. My heart goes out to you. Take some advice from someone who has been that girl – walk away now. She doesn’t want to hurt you, so she refuses to confront you. It’s not right, and not fair at all, but she doesn’t know how to tell you. For closure, you could lay it all out there. She may or may not respond. But before you do, ask yourself if you’d be more hurt just letting it go now, or if you put it all out there and got a negative response – or worse yet, no response at all? There is no easy or right answer. Just don’t do anything rash; take some time to mull it over, get back in to your routine. Then make the decision. I’ll be thinking about you.

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